i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
