I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
