is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
