Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
