So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
