Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
