Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
