we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
