I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize