both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
