She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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