Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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