My first STD was from a foam party
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
