We're facebook friends in real life
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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