I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
