I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
