I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
