New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
