stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
