Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
