11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
