how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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