Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
