I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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