What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Farmville is her only friend.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
