i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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