You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
