so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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