Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
