She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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