Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
