Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
