I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize