i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
