i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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