i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
