well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize