I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize