at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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