This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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