hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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