.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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