who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
