Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
