Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
