Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
