i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
