just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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