He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
