PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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