This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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