Don't you send me to vm
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
