please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
