Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
