i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
