3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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