Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
