Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
