she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
