I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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