There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
