I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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