first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
