I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
