I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize