I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
