I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
